There are thousands of divorces every year in which one spouse is serving or has served in the military. Only a small percentage of these divorces will have both spouses currently or formerly serving in the military. But of course that doesn't make them any less difficult both in terms of emotional stress and monetary matters.
If both spouses are former members of the military, it is likely their age will mean any child or children will be old enough to care for themselves - old enough according to law. But the issue of custody is highly relevant if the dual military marriage ends in divorce when there are children of a young age.
Generally speaking, whatever applies in civilian law as far as divorce rulings with children are concerned, will also apply in a military divorce. It doesn't matter if both spouses are serving in the military. The hearing will be in a state civilian court and the court will rule in the best interests of the child or children.
As far as the parents are concerned, one of the major factors to consider is their career. If one spouse has plans for a long and hopefully promotion-rich military career, their ability to argue to the court that they are the ideal spouse to have sole or a major custody role may be difficult. Seeking promotion may mean a number of moves to distant places and even an appointment in a theatre of war. That sort of ambition may be highly regarded by the military but it is unlikely to impress a judge deciding on the custody of young children in a divorce court.
Not always, but in most cases, a military spouse is the father and the non-military spouse the mother. In most cases, with the father in the military, the court will normally lean towards making the mother, the non-military spouse, the carer of the child or children. With both parents serving in the military, the question of who has custody is not so straightforward.
When a non-military spouse is the mother, provided she can convince the court she is able to care for the child or children and, of course, provided she wants to, the decision taken by the court usually means custody to the mother with visitation rights for the military father. Not always of course as each divorce is unique.
But where both spouses are in the military, the court will take special care when making a ruling on custody. Shared responsibility is a possibility but if a spouse is keen to have custody, clearly they must convince the court their career will not prevent them from being a good parent.
The custody decision is never taken lightly. Professional and neutral people will visit the homes of the parents, examine their finances, and even talk to the families of each parent. The aim is to grant custody in the best interests of the child. If the child is old enough, they too will be interviewed.
As a military spouse, you are facing a tough choice. If you want custody of your children, you are going to have to convince the court the kids will be better off in your care. If your position in the military leaves you open to transfers and possible promotions, this will be taken into account.
Don't think that the court-directed assessment of you as spouse will take five minutes. The process can take several months and if one spouse is not happy with the opinion of the assessor, you the aggrieved spouse can complain and request a second assessment.
Remember divorce rulings are not set in stone. Once a court has made a ruling, if circumstances change, either spouse can return to the court and seek an amendment to its ruling. If a spouse is neglecting his or her visitation rights, this could add suffering for the child. Remember if your position in the military means a move interstate or overseas, your ability to retain custody of the children or to keep up your granted visitation rights will be in jeopardy.
The military do not make divorce rulings but reports from a commanding officer may be helpful in making your case to the court. With your spouse also in the military, keeping on the right side of your superior officers is recommended.
There are various types of custody. Sole custody sees the courts less inclined to support today as it tends to remove one parent from the children. Joint custody means both parents get to have a say in how the children are raised. As far as joint military marriages are concerned, if such a couple divorce they could consider what is known as bird's net custody. Here the children stay in the same home and the parents come and go depending on who has custody at a particular time.
This is a situation which may suit a military divorcee. If both military parents have to be away because duty calls, an approved adult, often grandparents, must be close at hand to act in loco parentis (
Latin meaning 'in the place of a parent').
If a court grants custody to one of the two military spouses and the spouse with custody wants to move, the court may not allow such a move. As always, the court will decide using the maxim of 'the best interests of the child'. If the court feels the child has some sort of attachment to an area - they have friends there, they like the school they go to, the clubs they belong to - then the court may rule a move away is not allowed.
Now as a parent in the military, such a decision by the court could place a serious burden on your career prospects. If you are seeking promotion and to get same will have to move, as a parent with a child who is not allowed to move, you have a problem.
Having an experienced lawyer and an understanding commanding officer are two real benefits to a military spouse who has been granted custody of his or her child.
Here are additional resources you might be interested in:
More information on dealing with Children and Divorce
click here.
More information on Military Divorce
click here.
UK Military Divorce
Canada Military Divorce
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