Military Divorce

The blame game. There are many sad aspects as a result of a military divorce let alone any divorce and pointing the finger is one of those sad aspects. As the old saying goes, "There are two sides to every story". Of course one partner may have behaved badly and the other less so but it takes two to tango and besides, finding someone to blame does nothing other than increase the bitterness and regret.

Don't blame anyone period. Instead, get on with the rest of your life.

One problem many divorced people encounter is the ability to see their ex as normal. The ex is often some monster who has betrayed their partner and done them in. This doesn't help. Both partners must share the blame and only when that happens can both partners move forward in a positive way. Don't let your marriage failure poison your life.

If children are involved, hating your spouse almost always rubs off on your kids. Why should they be punished further? On-going hatred and distrust of your ex will influence how your children see their parents. And attitudes formed in childhood have a habit of continuing into adult life. Whatever else you want in life the one thing you should really cherish is the love and respect of your children. Continue fighting with your ex and you run the risk of losing your kids now and certainly in later life. Don't make your child or children miserable. Don't burn your bridges with your kids.

Military Divorce

Now the above advice applies as much to a military marriage as it does to one in civilian life. The difference being that military marriages are often under extreme pressures and certainly a different type of pressures than is normally found in most civilian marriages.

And remember a military marriage can have a series of combinations. The husband can be in the military with the wife a civilian. Or it can be the other way around. Or it can be that both partners are in the military. Whatever the combination, appointing blame to a failed military marriage is a tricky and, in the end, futile exercise. Nobody wins.

Now to those pressures. First there are the moves. Of course some civilian jobs require their staff to move but the military have so many bases and in time of war or wars, so many theatres of war, that anyone in the military can be told to move. And in many cases you're not given three or even six months to re-locate and find new accommodation etc. No, it's grab your pack and be ready to leave tomorrow at 0600.

So if you are looking for reasons why a military divorce faces considerable pressure then the constant moving bit is surely top of the list. And the moves are not to the next town or to another branch of head office in the same town. No a military move can be thousands of miles away to another state or worse, overseas.

Making a go of your marriage and sharing the responsibility of bringing up your child or children gets awfully lop-sided with the military spouse on the other side of the world for months at time. Some tours of duty can last a year or more. Does the spouse at home get lonely and depressed? Can they cope without the other parent? Do the children miss their absent parent? Probably and if so, that's another reason why many military marriages fail.

Then there's the danger of the job. If the military spouse is in a danger zone in a war, every day there is the possibility they will be killed, injured or captured. This fear places extraordinary pressure on the spouse doing the fighting and on their loved ones back home in relative security.

The failure of many a military marriage can be clearly sheeted home to the number of moves, the distances traveled and the risk to life and limb of a person in the military. Who's to blame? Well you try living in that situation and see how you survive.

Hope at Hand

So even though the pressures are enormous, there is an up side. The armed services take a proactive approach to military marriages and seek to offer support and advice to both spouses. Before the military spouse leaves the country, while they are away and then settling back in to home life once they return.

The whole aim of these support services is to strengthen relationships and thus prevent a divorce from occurring at all.

But sadly, thousands of military divorces are filed every year. Statistically on a per capita basis there is no great difference between civilian and military divorces but occur they do.

The scary statistic is that almost half of today's kids will see their parents obtain a divorce and then half of those kids will see their "new" parents divorce as well. This is tough on everyone and especially on the kids.

In a military marriage, should there be more pre-nuptial advice? Should military spouses be more aware that their spouse is likely to be moved often and possibly take the family with them? With wars going on around the world almost constantly, are military spouses truly aware of the possibility of war-zone appointments and what this can mean for them and any child or children?

Blame is not the issue here as far as the spouses go although may be there is a case to blame the authorities if they don't make the point that pressures on a military marriage can be extreme.

Forget blame. Forget trying to portray one spouse as being largely or solely guilty and responsible for the failure of your military marriage. Concentrate on the rest of your life. There are difficulties within a military marriage because of the nature of the beast. You can't change the moving from base to base, the danger of the job and the possibility of war zone appointments.

Be prepared for these eventualities. Take advantage of the support services provided by the military and if they fail and you choose to separate and then divorce, don't look back and for your sake and for the sake of your children, look forward.

Here are additional resources you might be interested in:

Read more Military Divorce information.

If you're in the USA and there's no property or finances to settle, then you can do it yourself. There's a number of places online where you can carry out a divorce (which is much cheaper than going through the courts and lawyers). Legal Zoom's 3-Step Divorce Process can provide quick and easy online divorces.

United Kingdom Military Divorce information.

Australia Military Divorce information.

If you plan to get a divorce in Australia, the Aussie Divorce Services can guide you.