In a society where divorce is a multi-billion dollar industry, many people would question whether a divorce without lawyers is even possible. The answer is: absolutely! Also known as self divorce or self help divorce, it is entirely possible in many situations.
If you see a divorce in your future, there are several reasons to do it yourself. Divorce, on average, costs around $20,000 from beginning to finish. For many families, this is an impossible amount of money, especially during this financially trying time. Families are already struggling to pay for two separate households, maintaining the children's standard of living, increased child care costs, and replacing items they will lose in the apportionment of property. Coming up with tens of thousands of dollars just to legally finalize the situation may be next to impossible. For these families, a do-it-yourself divorce may be the only divorce available.
To determine if a self help divorce is the right option for you, you and your spouse agree on the major issues of your divorce, including the division of marital property. You are satisfied with the proposed child custody arrangement, including custody, visitation, and family support. You have very little combined property and debts, or you at least agree on how to divide both. If these statements are true, a self divorce may be right for you.
The next step is to tell your soon-to-be ex-partner that you want to do it yourself. Divorce can be expensive, so the relative economy of self help divorce can be a major selling point. Your spouse will likely want to keep the divorce quick and cheap as much as you do. Another key point to address when presenting the idea to your spouse is that an amicable divorce where differences are negotiated in private rather than litigated in public will be emotionally easier on both the couple and the families. Hopefully, your partner has your children's best interests at heart and wants to make this process easy on them.
Even if you cannot completely agree on every issue, a do-it-yourself divorce may still be possible. Mediation services are available in most areas, and they may be able to help you and your spouse come to a compromise in any disputed areas. If your spouse is very motivated to save money, they may be open to finding a solution without the assistance of lawyers.
If you think a self help divorce is right for you, you should first purchase a book on do-it-yourself divorce that applies to your state. These are available at any bookstore, as well as on the internet. They may even be available for free checkout at your local library. Every state has its own laws regarding divorce, and you will need to obey every one of them. Educating yourself is the first step.
You will also need forms to file with your local court system. These also can be bought at bookstores and on the internet. All forms requiring signatures should be notarized or the court may not accept them. You and your spouse will want a written description of your agreed distribution of property and child custody. This too should be signed and notarized, and both parties should have a copy for their records.
There are a few reasons to avoid a do-it-yourself divorce. First, if you or your spouse is in the military, your divorce is too complicated to do it yourself. Divorce in the military is subject not only to state law, but to a complex set of federal laws and military statutes. Navigating these murky waters can be next to impossible without a lawyer skilled in military divorce. Even a regular divorce lawyer may be inadequate. Second, you should not attempt a self help divorce if there are allegations of intimidation or abuse in your marriage. If you are afraid of your spouse, you will have trouble standing up to them on necessary matters and may end up acquiescing to avoid their anger. Also, it is best to talk to an abusive person as little as possible. If your spouse has made allegations of abuse, you should avoid all but the most necessary contact with them, letting a lawyer handle most of the negotiations. Your spouse also may later claim that they were threatened or intimidated into agreeing to certain points. This may cause a re-opening of the case, which means more money spent.
You should not try a do-it-yourself divorce if you think your spouse is trying to keep your children from you or minimize your place in their lives. A divorce lawyer can help you determine what kinds o child custody arrangements are fair, and may even be able to suggest compromises that would make all parties happy. Time with your children will be worth every penny in the long run.
A last reason not to try a do-it-yourself divorce is if your spouse has already retained a lawyer. You will be at a huge disadvantage if you are the only person without legal counsel. Even if their lawyer claims to be impartial, they are legally obligated to get the best possible settlement for their own client. This means getting the worst possible settlement for you. You will need someone on your side, with your best interests in mind, and unfortunately, this costs a lot of money.
There are some very compelling reasons to have a do-it-yourself divorce, but you have to make sure you meet the criteria. In the end, retaining a lawyer is usually cheaper than losing custody of your children or being forced into an unfair family support agreement. On the other hand, a divorcing couple has so many financial obligations that cutting back where possible is always a good idea. Only you can decide whether a self help divorce is possible in your situation and whether it will be the best choice for your family.
Here are additional resources you might be interested in:
How much does it Cost to Hire a Divorce Lawyer in the USA?
Divorce Statistics in the USA
There's a number of places online where you can carry out a divorce (which is much cheaper than going through the courts and lawyers).
Legal Zoom's 3-Step Divorce Process can provide quick and easy online divorces.
Also, there's an excellent ebook about deciding whether to
Get a Divorce or Stay In the Relationship. Every couple should read this before making the decision.
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