When you are potentially in a domestic violence situation the decision to file for divorce can often be a very scary decision.  However, you should never ignore the issue especially if you have children.  It is important to remember first and foremost that not all victims of domestic violence are women.  Coming to light is the realization that some batters are also women, and the man is the victim.  Regardless of whether you are the wife or the husband you should take some steps to protect yourself and your children from the abuse.

As you are taking steps to protect yourself you should also decide if you should get a divorce. 

While this is never an easy decision there are some things that can help you decide.  You must make the decision for yourself, but this is offered as a guideline to help you decide based upon your particular situation. 

First, realize that if you are being abused at all it is time to consider a divorce.  There are several forms of abuse and they are not gender or even race specific. 

The first form of abuse is emotional abuse.  While this type of abuse tends to be harder to prove in court, it is often one of the most damaging forms of abuse.  Plus, emotional abuse can often lead to other forms of abuse and must never be ignored. 

The most popular form of emotional abuse is being disrespectful or even attacking your self-esteem.  If your spouse is always putting you down, calling you stupid or other horrible names and trying to make you feel bad then this is what you are experiencing.  It is never a good situation and can often make the abused feel as if they are dependant on their abuser in order to feel good about themselves. 

The next major form of emotional abuse is manipulation and control based.  In this form, the abuser will control either the money and finances or even try to control how you spend your time.  They may tell you that you are not allowed to see your friends or even family without their permission.  For financial control, they could only allow you a small amount for an allowance and no additional money.  The reason for this is to control all of your movements.  In addition, by allowing you only a small amount of money it is hard for you to save and break free of the abuse. 

Additional forms of abuse are often physical and can range from just threats of physical abuse to as even actual physical abuse.  This abuse can range from a simple shove, to even a horrible beating.  Regardless where your abuse falls on the spectrum you should never tolerate this type of treatment.  Instead, you should insist upon being treated with dignity and respect. 

If you are being abused sexually, it can range from inappropriate touches, to even rape in some circumstances.  Spousal rape is something that is gaining the attention of the media lately because of how unacceptable it is.  If you are being sexually abused then it is time to consider leaving the marriage as well.  You should never resign yourself to dealing with an abusive relationship for any reason. 

You need to put yourself and your safety above the love that you have for your spouse.  If you are being abused you can contact some of the numerous battered shelters that are in your area and seek help in preparing yourself for a divorce.  Always try to be as prepared as possible when you leave, and if you have children do not leave them with the abuser as well.  You should insist upon taking them with you when you leave. 

The legal system is designed to help protect you from physical harm.  Use the system to your advantage and immediately eek out a restraining order when you file for the divorce.  Also, ensure that you never are alone with your spouse, and consider your protection and the protection of your children above anything else.  Additionally, if you are ordered to mediation for your divorce you will be allowed to have an abuse advocate present with you to ensure that things are peaceful and you are not harmed.