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Many commentators quote statistics about the failure of marriage. They inform us about the age at which couples marry, the age at which they divorce, the number of subsequent marriages and the number of these which fail.
But it can be misleading to nominate just one cause of divorce. There are many causes. Here is a list of common reasons why many marriages end in divorce.
1. Money. ‘Sex, money and in-laws’ is the quote often given for the failure of a marriage. Well money is certainly relevant. Couples get into financial difficulty. One spends more than the other. Money is spent without telling the other partner. Economic downturns mean a drop in income and even the loss of a job. The family home has to be sold. Debt collectors call. Tensions arise and arguments begin.
2. Not talking. Or worse, talking to others rather than your spouse. If you are upset or angry, if you are having problems with your work, family or particularly your spouse, you must talk about it. Lack of communication is seen as a factor in almost every divorce. And the sooner you talk about your concerns the better. Leaving it may mean it is too late to sort things out.
3. Adultery. It’s not a word used as much today. Once it was often quoted in a divorce hearing. But cheating is still a major cause of the breakdown of a marriage. A couple who do not cheat may still divorce and a marriage where cheating occurs may survive but in many cases, breaking your vows will bring your marriage undone.
4. Wishful thinking and pipe dreams. Some people are in love with the notion of love. They love the idea of marriage and a home and children. Sadly the romantic image is not always the reality. None of us is perfect and marriage is a 24/7 operation. Understand that your partner, like you, has faults and learn to live with them rather than despair and try to change.
5. Bad habits. Some habits involve drugs and alcohol. An addiction to these substances can have a devastating effect on the individual and then their marriage. Early signs of addiction must be noted and help obtained as soon as possible
6. Truthfulness. Not being true to yourself or to your partner is a recipe for failure. Trust is an essential part of any marriage. Each partner must be truthful and trust the other. Marriage is a commitment; it is a legal contract and must be taken seriously. Showing respect is the just the first step in building a lifelong relationship.
7. Sexual relations. According to advertisers and certain movie makers, everyone must have a wildly successful love life. Certainly a happy sex life is a great tonic for a happy marriage but most people realize there is much more to marriage than just sex. And for those with difficulties, there is a large supply of advice and information on the subject.
8. Growing old. Many couples marry when young but as the years go by, people change. They see the end of their life as never before. They worry about their health or their retirement. Changes in lifestyle can see people think and do strange things. The so-called mid-life crisis can cause many a couple to re-evaluate their marriage vows.
9. Minor matters. It may seem silly but some habits can become most annoying for some people. A spouse who is fastidious with tidiness or a spouse who snores long and loud can cause friction. From little acorns big trees grow. These small things may not be the major cause of a split but they can be the straw that broke the camel’s back.
10. The world today. Not so many generations ago women were far less independent and society frowned upon a divorcee. Today the rules have changed. There is no longer the economic necessity for many women to remain married and as so many people divorce, it is far less a stigma if at all.
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