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 Citing adultery as the cause of the irretrievable breakdown of your marriage may seem like a done deal. However, establishing this as the only reason for petition can be fraught with difficulties.
Petition must be brought by the non-defaulting party and comes with conditions attached. In UK, there must be absolute proof that sexual intercourse has taken place, and within the last six months. The word of the offending respondent, confirming that such an affair is the truth is not adequate evidence to the court. Even so, adultery is only taken where intercourse has been with a person of the opposite sex to the respondent.
Often the injured party is desperate to use these grounds, as they feel that the naming and shaming of the third party in court is some recompense the hurt and upset caused by the breakdown of their marriage. They will also feel resolved of any guilt involved in causing the divorce, which can be of a particular psychological benefit to the petitioner, especially where children are involved.
It can sometimes be a problem to provide concrete evidence for adultery, enough to satisfy the court. This can often slow down the divorce proceeding which is not of benefit to either party. Accusations of adultery ending in court are the termination of an extremely emotional time. To extend this any further than necessary, again particularly where children are involved, is not recommended.
Recent statistics in the UK provide interesting readings. Where 69% of all petitions are filed by the wife, only around 17% cite adultery as the reason. For the husband it is cited by 34%, the same percentage as those giving the two year separation as the reason.
The majority of petitions filed by women in the UK are for 'unreasonable behavior', accounting for 54% of all divorces granted.
This may be due to this reason being able to encompass a number of issues within the marriage. Evidence must be provided that the behavior of the respondent is such that the petitioner cannot 'reasonably' be expected to continue to live with them.
This could include suspicion of adultery, relations with a member of the same sex or where intercourse took place more than six months ago but that the behavior of the respondent since has altered to the point of being intolerable.
Adultery has previously been treated very differently, also depending on who was committing the act. Adultery used to be considered a crime, and in some countries is still illegal. Punishment by death has not been unheard of, especially where it is the wife who has strayed. In the US, adultery is still considered as a court marshal offence within the military. It can even result in dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of pay or even up to one year's confinement.
Adultery is, without doubt, more prolific than in previous years. Where women are the offenders, this may be attributed to vast changes to their lifestyles over time. Women's joining the workforce has led to forming of a variety of relationships with men and women, away from the home environment. This leads women to be more confident of forming views and not feeling that there only option in life is to serve the family home. Also increasing the possibility of exposure to advances from alternative suitors, other than their husband. The financial stability/independence that work often gives women may also be a factor in their decision to partner with another.
As discussed above, certainly the UK statistics do not show adultery to be the main cause of divorce. These relate only to specific petitions raised. It is true also, where the husband uses adultery in 34% of cases, that the same percentage uses the two year separation rule.
There are no records to show that these separations do not include cases where the wife has left the home, with another man whom she has had sexual intercourse with.
Where one party has chosen to move away from the marital home and later joins with a new partner, they still can be considered to have committed adultery. Often this is not raised in court, as it is generally accepted by both parties that the relationship was not being conducted as a marriage at the time.
Relationships formed away from the marriage involving a partner of the same sex are not recorded by the statistics. They will sadly evoke exactly the same intense emotions and result, with the added confusion to the victim of what changed so apparently drastically in their partner's life.
Even where it is presented in court that the reason for the marriage breakdown is where one party has committed adultery, some might say that the marriage was over before the act took place.
To discover that your partner has indulged in sexual relations with another, of which ever gender, can be one of the most excruciatingly painful experiences in life. One may feel betrayed and used. Memories often come of the beautiful and exciting relationship you had before the marriage took place. Words uttered in love and commitments come flooding back, reassuring you that the bond between you is unbreakable by anyone or anything. Following this - feelings of hurt, humiliation and anger may begin to rise. The 'how could I be so stupid?', 'were they together then?', 'but he/she told me they loved me just yesterday'.
The blame may even be laid solely on the third party - claiming that they have 'stolen' your sole-mate away.
Emotions are so incredibly intense during these times. It is often only later, sometimes years on, that with reasonable thought one or both parties may be able to come to terms with the fact that irretrievable differences were present in the marriage well before the heinous act.
Divorce can often be recognized as a 'knee-jerk' reaction to the discovery of adultery. Whilst feelings of hurt and betrayal reign, it can be a good idea not to react, and to avoid the discussion with and opinion of others around you. Where friends who care for you may exasperate your feelings it is best to take some time to consider your decision alone.
If a relationship is very strong, the two parties may, in time, be able to discuss what happened. Once the need to lay blame has passed, you may be able to identify reasons for the adultery, and the severity of the act.
It may be that on considering what is best for yourself, and in some cases your children, you may still decide that divorce is the only option to continue through life with a sense of pride and self-worth. Alternatively, it may be discovered that the adultery has raised issues to the forefront in your partnership than can be resolved, and a process of reconciliation for a stronger future can begin.
Here are additional resources you might be interested in:
How to Detect Dirty Divorce Tricks and Tactics
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