Getting a divorce is a very scary situation for anyone, especially women. In society, women are just now starting to earn the respect that they deserve and it is often a risky game that you will be treated fairly in your divorce. However, there are some things you can do to help ensure that your divorce is handled better for you.
TIP: please take a look at the Women's Guide to Surviving and Thriving During a Divorce. It's a great book published by DivorceGuide.com and contains all the information that you will need before or during a divorce.
First, never hire the first lawyer you interview
. Ever! You should always interview at least 2-3 lawyers before making a decision. At each interview always explain your case and ask for their advice as well as an estimate of what your settlement could be, and what they thing a good estimate of your legal fees will be. In addition, before you leave ask for a copy of their retainer contract to read over. Never actually, retain a lawyer on your first meeting with them. Always take some time to think over the decision before you actually hire someone.
Another piece of advice is do not leave the marital home
. This is never a good idea, and you should insist on a court order forcing you to leave before you leave. If you leave the home without a court order, you run the risk of losing your claim on the home. Most women are not aware of this when they are in the beginning stages of divorce.
Additionally, have all joint accounts closed
. This includes credit cards, loans, and anything else that is in both names. Once the account is closed, ask for written confirmation that it is closed. You can then re-open individual accounts as necessary. However, leaving a joint account open with a credit line is a very bad financial move and can cost you thousands of dollars in debt later on.
If you are looking to have a peaceful divorce, you should be willing to make some concessions
. While you may want everything to go your way, you need to be willing to give in on some things that your spouse wants in order to have your divorce finished quicker. A divorce is a very emotional experience especially for women. In order to reduce the stress as much as possible, you must be willing to give in or deal with a very long and lengthy divorce. Do not use the same lawyer as your husband
. Insist upon getting your own divorce lawyer
, and make sure you tell your lawyer all details about your case. Never lie to them about details or they could look foolish if your spouse's lawyer starts pulling skeletons from the closet. Your lawyer should know all details upfront, and should also know upfront what terms you are willing to negotiate in the divorce. While most people do have, some things they are willing to negotiate make sure your lawyer also knows what you are not willing to negotiate on which can save a lot of hassle later.
If you have children, it is a good idea to suggest that you and your spouse look into mediation to resolve the custody issues
. While talking to a lawyer can leave you with much hope that you will win, there are never any guarantees. Pulling cheap stunts like claiming false sexual abuse may seem really tempting, it can be horribly damaging to your case. If you and your spouse agree to divorce mediation
, this will help reduce the chances of losing entirely while your spouse wins. Agreeing to terms is always much better, both for yourself as well as your children. Never begin dating anyone else until after the divorce is finalized
. While you may think that it is unfair to wait months or even years to begin, dating during your divorce
can severely hurt your settlement if you begin dating before the divorce is finalized. There is no reason that can justify dating early. Many judge's look down on this behavior and it simply is not worth it.
With the horrible trauma that divorce brings you never want to make things worse on yourself. Do as much as you can to ensure that the divorce is over quickly. The emotional stress and trauma is not worth making your spouse miserable as well. Move on with your life and enjoy your life as a single person. There is no reason to struggle with a difficult divorce any more than necessary. Here are additional articles related to the topic:
Here are additional resources you might be interested in:
If you're on the verge of having a divorce, read this to Save Your Marriage
Also, there's an excellent ebook about deciding whether to Get a Divorce or Stay In the Relationship
. Every couple should read this before making the decision.