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After your divorce papers have been submitted and the process finalized, at some point you'll probably start dating again. Having a former marriage, no matter how well you deal with it, leaves you with some emotional baggage to handle. After all, nobody wants people to perceive them as having a failed marriage. As you go out into the dating scene again, it's quite inevitable that you meet people who have been divorced before and you wonder how big their emotional baggage is.
You probably know that asking about the divorce is a personal matter and one could use some tact in approaching this kind of topic. You're probably wondering if you should wait for the person to talk about the former marriage or if you should ask about it outright. If you decide to wait, how long is long enough?
The concern over this question is understandable because marriage tends to be something people include in their conversation. When you're dating a divorced person who wouldn't talk about the divorce or the former marriage on any level, it's natural that the alarm bells would go off. When is the right to ask the question that looms at the forefront of your thoughts; "Is there any reason why you haven't mentioned your former marriage?"
Ideally, you don't do it on the first date, of course. But after going out a few times and your date is still mum about the marriage, it's typically acceptable to ask about it. The idea is that you have at least some degree of importance to a person before you ask. In order to get a satisfying answer, it's important that a person is already invested on you somehow. At some point, the question does begin to be relevant to your relationship.
Since you're in the dating scene, you have to expect that maybe you won't get the truth right away, but the manner with which a person talks about a former marriage already speaks volumes about him/her. It could be a great character gauge, if you pay close attention. Does your date badmouth his/her ex? Does he/she dodge the question? Does he/she maintain his/her cool and answer the question in a straightforward manner? Is he/she still obviously upset about it?
Keep in mind that there could be a very good reason for not wanting to talk about a former marriage. Some people do value their former marriages, and they would admit that they were in a relationship with somebody they loved deeply. Not talking about it except with people they trust is a way of respecting the privacy of their ex spouse. The best way to get an answer from them is to first become somebody they can trust.
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