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For people who want to avoid long drawn out, bloody divorce court battles, divorce mediation is the best alternative. Provided that both parties cooperate, it could be the fastest, easiest, and the least financially burdensome way to finalize the details of a divorce. Preparing for it is as important as preparing for a divorce court battle.
Here are a few things to consider when preparing for divorce mediation:
Create a "divorce issues checklist".
Create a list of issues that you want to be settled during the divorce. Writing it down is important because you may forget a lot of things if you don't. Especially if you and your ex engage in an argument during the mediation, it's not easy to recall the things you want to be resolved.
Here is an example of things that you can include in your checklist:
- Alimony or Spousal Support - How much of it will you need? How often will you need it? How long will you need support for? Do you prefer it to be in a lump sum or given over a period of time?
- Child custody - What type of legal custody do you want to push for? Would you rather have joint custody? Who would get physical custody of your children? How would you handle holidays? How would visitation expenses be handled?
- Child support - How much child support will you need? What would be the frequency and duration of the child support payments? What would be the method of payment? What kind of expenses related to your children do you need to be handled (tuition, day care, clothing, etc)? Will your child get medical, dental, vision and insurance coverage?
- Division of property and debts
- Legal fees - Some spouses who have no means to pay the legal fees prefer to include asking their spouses to pay their fees in the divorce mediation.
- Parenting - It's definitely going to be harder to figure out parenting while apart, but during mediation you can talk about key issues of parenting. What religion will the child be brought up in at home? What kind of discipline will be used for what issues? General things such as upbringing, rules about dating and having friends over and the likes can also be discussed in mediation.
Identify issues that you agree on and those you don't.
Look at the issues that you want to discuss and divide them into issues that your ex contests and those that he doesn't.
Prioritize.
Arrange the contested issues by order of priority. Get the most important contested item done first. Consult with your divorce lawyer and see if reprioritizing the contested issues would be better.
Identify your bottomline.
For example, in terms of spousal support, identify how much will be the least amount you'll be willing to accept.
Adapt a cooperative attitude
Nothing breaks down divorce mediation faster than adapting a "win at all cost" attitude. Reasonable flexibility can help you resolve the divorce settlement in the fastest and most efficient way possible.
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