Divorce FAQ

Unfortunately, divorces almost always leaves an emotional scar on the people involved. Even if the divorce is something that's already expected or something that came as a surprise for you. It could be more emotionally bruising if the divorce takes a nasty turn and the other party decides to employ dirty tactics in the divorce proceedings.

Taking a few practical steps can protect you from these tactics and prevent the other party from taking advantage of you. Proactively taking reasonable measures to protect your interest is a must, especially if you have chidren to think of. Here are a few suggested steps to help you protect against dirty tactics in an ugly divorce:

1. Don't move out of the marital home - If there are children involved, there will be custody hearings. Moving out of the marital home can significantly damage your chances of being made custodial parent. Of course staying in the family home may cause friction between you and your spouse, but it's best to take precautions against this as well. Use separate bedrooms if possible and work proactively to minimize the friction between you. One dirty tactic some unscrupulous lawyers may encourage your spouse to employ is to falsely accuse you of any kind of abuse. If you have particularly loud and violent arguments with your spouse, it may be for your best interest to record your fights without your spouse's knowledge, just to provide yourself with tangible proof that you're not abusing him/her. Keep a journal and make a note of dates and times when you have really bad arguments and note down who witnessed the argument (if any).

2. Get a TRO - If your spouse is the one who is abusive and turns the tables around you to make you look bad, consider getting a TRO. This is very important especially if you have children and if your spouse takes out his/her frustrations on them. If your spouse begins abusing you and subjecting you to domestic violence, don't think twice about calling the police on them.

3. Cancel joint credit cards - Inform your spouse that you intend to cancel the cards that you share. After informing him/her, cancel it immediately. This process only takes a few minutes and, within the same amount of time, your spouse can use it to rack up debts that you may end up paying.

4. Take out half of the contents of your bank account - One dirty divorce trick angry spouses resort to is cleaning out the bank account. Eventually, during the process, this could be returned to you but would you be willing to take the risk and hope that it doesn't take months? To protect yourself from being cleaned out, take out half of the contents in your bank and inform your spouse verbally as well as in writing that you have done this. Technically, you are entitled to part of the money so you're just taking your share and ensuring that you're not going into the divorce process without money to spend.

5. Make a record of your marital assets - Take a camera or better yet, a camcorder, and make a tangible record of all the things you own together. It's best to do this together with your spouse but if he/she doesn't want to participate, just make sure you give them a copy of the pictures or the videos. Some angry spouses sell the furniture or other items in the home and keep the profit for themselves. To make it easier for you to prove that the item exists, you can use the pictures and/or video as hard evidence. Just make sure your camera or camcorder have the correct date and time configured on them.

6. Don't sign anything without a lawyer representing you - Some people pressure their spouse into signing a "temporary agreement" which end up causing them to lose property or custody of the children in the future. The best thing to do when your ex asks you to sign something is to politely decline and say that your divorce lawyer has adviced you against signing anything before he/she has reviewed the documents. You can argue that you signed the papers out of duress, because your ex is making your life difficult or emotionally manipulating you to sign it, but it's better not to take that risk in court.

7. Stop contributing to pension plans and the likes - While you were still married you and your spouse probably shared a retirement plan, 401(K) and the likes. It's best to stop contributing to this and put the money towards preparing for your divorce. In many cases, you just have to inform your employer and sign some documents to make it formal.

8. Prepare to be accused falsely - Of course people hope never to go through this, but preparing for the worst is important in divorce battles, especially if there are children involved. Some people even falsely accuse their spouse of molesting their children in order to gain the upper hand in custody hearings. If you are falsely accused, contact your lawyer immediately in order to take steps to control the damage done by this false accusation.