Divorce FAQ

Divorce is an extremely stressful time for both parties involved. Like any stressful time that people go through, there are several emotional stages. Recognizing these stages can help you understand yourself better and cope with whatever stage you may be in. Of course, people will react differently to their divorce, but in general, most people go through grief-like stages.

Denial
You feel unable to accept that you're really getting divorced. Especially if your spouse is the one who initiated it, you may feel at first that you're just going through a rough spot and talking it out with your spouse can change his/her mind about it.

Shock and Anger
You may feel a mixture of anger, rage, shock, numbness, and sometimes even despair as you begin to realize that your marriage is indeed ending. At this point, people feel as if it is impossible for them to deal with these emotions. They may also feel fear about facing the future alone, wondering if you'll ever be capable of loving again, much less getting married again.

Ups and downs
At this point you may feel like you're on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and thoughts. You can't seem to decide on how you feel about the divorce. It's pretty common for people to intellectualize the situation in an attempt to make sense of what happened. They struggle to understand in order to make sense of the pain and find out what to do to make the pain go away. At this point, your thoughts could go from "he/she never really loved me anyway" to "it's all my fault". A good divorce advice at this point is to just wait it out and take better care of yourself. Exercise regularly to alleviate the stress, and talk to a therapist if possible. It's a roller coaster ride, and it could get pretty rough.

Bargaining
Still holding on to the last threads of hope that you may still be able to save your marriage, you express the desire to bargain. You'll do anything, change anything, give anything just to make it work. It could be a frustrating point especially if your ex will not respond to any effort that you make to save the marriage.

Acceptance and letting go
The roller coaster ride finally slows down and eventually halts. You begin to accept that it's really over. You begin to look forward to the new changes in your life, and you may even begin to enjoy a sense of liberation. You'll probably open yourself up to exploring new interests which you never had time for in the past.

The fact is that there's really no set timetable for when you go from one stage to another. Many people find themselves stuck in the roller coster ride, unable to figure out when and how it will stop. If you're really having a difficult time dealing with your divorce, it may be better if you also considered seeing a therapist while the divorce is ongoing.