Divorce FAQ

If you've hired a divorce lawyer who turns out to be quite adversarial during depositions, it's important to do certain things in order for the situation to not get out of hand.

Here are a few suggested steps you can take to keep your divorce lawyer in line:

1. Remember that your attorney follows your lead - When it comes to divorce cases, it's easy for people to lose their cool. While your anger may be natural, keep in mind that it's for your own benefit to avoid divorce warfare. Try not to promote conflict by allowing your anger to influence your lawyer. A lawyer may quickly become adversarial because their clients play a part in it as well. Never let your anger win out over reason and better judgment.
2. Consider divorce mediation - One way to diffuse an adversarial attitude is by trying out divorce mediation. For mediation to become successful, both parties should adopt a cooperative attitude rather than an adversarial stance. Should your lawyer present any resistance to your wishes to mediate when you've made it clear that this is the path you want to take, maybe it's time to consider changing your lawyer.
3. Be on top of the situation - You are the one who is getting divorced, not your lawyer. Many people think that they can just let their lawyer take control of the situation because that's their job. Stay on top of the divorce by proactively informing yourself of how your lawyer is handling your divorce. Ask about the communications between your lawyer and the courts. Get copies of documents and forms before your lawyer files them. Read through the documents to make sure that there's nothing offensive or inflammatory in them and that all information given by your lawyer is correct and approved by you.
4. Be open with your lawyer about how you want your divorce to go - It would be easier for everybody involved if you will be open with your lawyer about your desire to survive the divorce without having to put other people down. Make it clear that it's important to you to keep relationships with your ex and his family as civil as possible. Making the divorce messy through taking an adversarial attitude and/or employing dirty divorce tactics is going to make this goal impossible to attain.
5. Be firm and consistent about what you believe in - Many adversarial divorce lawyers will give you bad advice about using dirty divorce tactics. It's up to you to know what these dirty tricks are in order for you to be able to spot and avoid them. Be consistent and unwavering in this matter from the very beginning. Should your attorney insist that you do it even after making it clear that you will not do such things, it may be best to consider changing legal counsel.

Many relationships are ruined because of adversarial divorce tactics. It's best to keep your divorce as clean and simple as possible in order for you to be able to start your new life on the right foot.