Children and Divorce

Have you ever considered just what effects a divorce can have on a teenager? While the stress for adults can be horrendous, it can be even worse for a teenager. Consider how harsh life can be for a teenager; when a divorce occurs life is turned upside down for the entire family.

While many parents do not always notice how the stress affects their child, other parents notice significant changes. Some of the changes that have been most noted are slipping of grades, sudden changes in sleep patterns, increased levels of irritability, even trying to start fights with other siblings.

Have you considered that while you and your spouse are deciding over issues of custody, visitation, and how assets are divided your child is feeling left out? Many children also feel as if they are to blame. While teenagers are typically old enough to understand they did not cause the divorce they do at times still feel as if they have had an impact. This is typically impacted when parents begin a major battle for custody.

Teenagers also do not handle change well as a whole; while there is an occasional teenager who is capable of rolling with the flow most do not handle it well. This creates a major problem several times. The first major change that will occur is that the parents are split up. Once this change has occurred, almost immediately there will be separate residences, even if only temporary for at least one parent, possibly both.

Many divorces also end in someone moving away, which can create even more stress in an already stressful situation. When you consider how poorly most teenagers handle stress it is easy to see how they can become involved in a bad group of friends, drugs, alcohol, even skipping school. The chances that these behaviors have not been present before the divorce are generally quite high, however the lack of supervision during a divorce tends to give a child ample freedom to do as they please.

You may wonder why a child has ample freedom during a divorce. This generally occurs because most states (in the USA at least) give teenagers a very strong say in where they are allowed to live. This causes many parents to attempt at bribing the child, by offering rewards, incentives, and even additional freedom they attempt to win the favor of their child. This creates an almost limitless battle over which parent tries the hardest to win. This is devastating to a child because the lack of parental control during this period can cause experimentation with drugs and alcohol, unprotected sex, and even a massive slip in grades.

While no parent sets out in a divorce with the purpose of ruining their child's life, a teenager will almost always perceive a divorce as having this effect. It becomes very important for a child to understand that boundaries do exist and must be followed. Parents tend to ignore the warning signs that appear because they are consumed with their own problems, this can cause your teenager to spiral even further out of control as they try to catch the attention of their parents.

When you consider your teenagers behavior, look for changes in their behavior from before and after the divorce. Attempt at working with the other parent to have a steady set of rules and you should begin to see the negative effects of divorce start to slowly melt away. If your child has a very difficult time transitioning, then definitely consider a therapist for your child to talk to. Find a specialist who works only with children, preferably teenagers, and has experience handling divorce situations. This will help ensure your teenager is getting the best help possible.

As time progresses, you will begin to see that your teenager is capable of returning to normal. While changes are always necessary in a divorce, allowing a teenager to turn to drugs or alcohol is not normal. You should make every effort possible to ensure your child is safe, and has proper supervision regardless of which parent they are with. It is very important to remember, while your divorce is in process, as well as after the divorce that your child will need your attention, as well as supervision in order to make it through the process successfully.

Here are additional resources you might be interested in:

Explaining Divorce to Your Kids

How to Manage the Effects of Divorce on Children and the Family?

The Most Common Effects of Divorce on Children

Are there any Long Terms Effects of Divorce on Children?

More information on dealing with Children and Divorce click here.