|
We may never know how some children suffer when their parents divorce. Sometimes the child is too young to fully explain their distress. Sometimes they are old enough but so emotionally damaged, they clam up. We cannot fully understand what is going on in the mind of a child suffering the trauma of seeing their parents split. But we can try and reduce the adverse impact on the children. Here are some suggested ways to make life a little easier for the kids.
Communication. Children want to know what is happening and what will happen in the future. Use carefully chosen words and ones which the child can understand but do not let them discover by accident that the marriage is finished. Avoid nasty surprises. Try and guess the questions your child will want to ask and have appropriate and as gentle-as-possible answers ready. Hiding the truth can be worse than not telling the truth even in a gentle way.
Don’t introduce drastic lifestyle changes or, if they are necessary make them gradual. It often happens that the money available in the marriage is suddenly greatly reduced. The divorce is bad enough the children but to have denied treats or things they took for granted in an instant further increases their pain and suffering.
Keep as much of the pre-divorce lifestyle going as possible. If you are still in the family home, that is a big plus. But visiting family and friends should, where possible, continue as before. The extended family remains after a divorce and to drop contact because of the break-up is unfair on the kids and those members of the extended family.
Don’t drag the kids into your spousal disputes. If you must fight, do so in private and give the children as much security and peace as possible. They don’t deserve to be used as pawns in a battle between adults.
Keep a close eye on your children. They may have difficulty expressing their feelings. They could bottle up their sadness. They could become depressed. Their school work could suffer. All of these factors must be checked and considered. As much as your own situation is trying, don’t neglect your children and help them when and wherever possible.
If you and your ex can come together on special occasions such as a child’s birthday, that simple step can mean so much to the family. If the divorce was a difficult one, even being in the same suburb can be tricky but by having a neutral person present may make things a little easier.
Just as divorce is quite common today, so too are the children from broken marriages. Many grow up to lead happy and healthy lives and much of that can be because their parents did the right thing after their divorce.
|
Subscribe
