Children and Divorce

Most parents experience some level of emotion when it’s time to talk to their children about divorce. The emotions rise when children of divorce react with their own set of emotions, and it can get difficult to remember to just stick to the facts when talking to your kids. Adult children often find themselves in the position of therapeutic counselor, which can impede your relationship with them. Younger children who are burdened with their parents’ emotions and fears on top of their own tend to fare much worse than children of divorce that receive reassurance and stability during the divorce.

Just because you are getting divorced doesn’t mean that you aren’t still a parent. No one is perfect, but be vary cautious about how and what you talk to your kids about. You might come home from a mediation attempt infuriated at an accusation or a suggestion that was made, or you might find out that your spouse was hiding money from you for most of your marriage while you are at your lawyer’s office. This doesn’t mean that you should come home and unload it all on the kids.

If you have to take some extra time to go do something or sit with a friend before coming home then pay the sitter for an extra hour. When your kids ask you questions you will be less volatile and much less likely to lean on them if you have dealt with you anger or sadness first.

While there are usually a lot of emotions running through a divorce, the more you can answer questions and deal with the actual facts the less likely your children are to develop serious issues with the divorce. Where are they going to live? How often will they see the departing parent? These are facts that you can answer. How are you going to adjust to being a single parent or a weekend parent? This is a question for your divorce therapist.

Leaning on children of divorce for emotional support is one of the most common mistakes that divorcing couples make. You and your spouse can accidentally turn this into a bid for their devotion and love if they start to feel like they have to parent their parents, even though the parents are the ones actually divorcing. It’s completely inappropriate and can seriously damage the relationship you have with your children if you find that they become your emotional self esteem mirror. They need reassurance from you. If they receive that, then they have a much better chance of handling a divorce without falling apart. Holding your emotions up can only be done effectively by you.