Children and Divorce

Telling children about divorce is not an easy prospect, but putting it off can be detrimental. Children of divorce can grow up to be just as well adjusted as anyone else, provided that parents avoid things like turning your children into spies. Telling your children early in the process is healthier than waiting for them to corner you because they have overheard your arguments. Being forthcoming with children of divorce makes the process easier on them, and you.

Lying effectively to your children is a lot of work. Eventually, you are bound to get caught. Lying about the situation is only going to make it much worse on them and affect their relationship with you. Their world is about to change dramatically and they will need to depend on the relationship they have with both parents. If one or both parents have lied about the divorce, your children are not going to trust you for the remainder of the process.

When you present the idea of divorce and children react poorly, it is important that you allow them to have their feelings, express their feelings, and respect their feelings. While children should not cross the line into being disrespectful, they do need to know that they can let you know how they feel, especially at the time that you tell them about the divorce.

Don’t be alarmed by the lack of expression either. It is not unusual for young children to want to know the answers to some seemingly irrelevant questions. They might want to know if their stuffed animals can go back and forth or if they need two sets or if they are going to stay in their own home. Other children might be concerned if their friends can still come over and play. It is quite difficult for parents to understand it when their children do not respond in a predictable manner, but your child needs to know that they will be okay before they worry about whether you will be okay.

When you and your spouse explain the divorce, children need to hear from both parents that there is no true blame. When one parent blames the other they are setting the child up for damage, not the other parent. Even if it was Daddy’s fault for having an affair, the dissolved marriage is the choice you both have to make and you both have to deal with. Your children do not need to be burdened with the idea of one bad parent.