In the course of a breakup and having children you are going to be meet the problem of how do you introduce your children to your new partner. However, there are a few things you can do to make things go easier. While each family and situation is completely different, there are some things that are standard for all situations.
One of the most important things to consider is the timing of your introduction.
By this, I do not mean wait until 7p.m. after dinner when they have just eaten and do not have an empty tummy. Instead, this means that you need to allow some time for your children to come to terms with the fact that their parents are separated. You should never jump from a marriage where your children see you together, to immediately dating someone else. This is not a good thing for your children and can be quite traumatic.
Instead, you should wait at least a few months before introducing someone to your children
. When you actually decide to do introductions, ensure that your children are calm, and that things in their lives are as peaceful as possible to help make the shock as easy as possible. Remember, that timing can often be the one factor that determines how successful the introduction really is.
Your next major task should be ensuring that your new special someone has been forewarned about your children. For example, if you have a child who is the perfect candidate for the Drama Queen of the Year Award you should warn your partner before the introduction. It is only fair to ensure that they have an idea of what they are getting into and can potentially expect in this introduction. If you do not warn your partner, you are setting them up for failure.
Additionally you need to ensure that you are very compassionate about your child's feelings during the introduction. While you are going to be concerned for your partners feelings as well, you should show more attention to your child. By this I mean, if someone becomes upset during the introduction make sure you comfort your child first. Explain to your partner your position on this before the introduction takes place so if this situation does arise you do not upset your special someone by your actions. You want to ensure that your child is comfortable and comforted first, however your partners' feelings are just as important.
As you set out towards an extended family of happiness realize that, there will be bumps and bruises along the way. If your introduction goes smoothly then consider yourself very lucky among the few. Most introductions are not peaceful and happy occasions where everyone leaves happy. Realize that for the time being you should stick to very short visits with your children and new partner. Do not force your children to tolerate very long visits until they are more comfortable with the situation. This can lead towards making a stressful situation even worse. Instead, stick to short visits and increase the length slowly until things are peaceful and smooth.
Also, realize that you cannot expect your children to like or even care about your partner
. Just because you care for the person does not mean your children will. While it is always best if everyone gets along, there is nothing you can do to force them to get along. You can always encourage a good relationship but it is not a guaranteed occurrence under any circumstances at all. Realize that if they do not get along, it is not a failure on your part, but rather a natural occurrence.
Realize that in order for the overall situation to be as successful as possible, you should still spend some time alone with your children away from your partner. This will allow them to realize that they are still the main focus of your life. While some time for everyone together is always a good idea, spending some time with your children alone, as well as your partner alone is the best way to ensure that nobody feels as if they are being left out.
By following these tips and suggestions, you should find that introducing your children to your new partner is not as scary and impossible to do. Take your time and always watch your children for queues as to what they are comfortable with in order to keep close tabs on how the situation is progressing.
Here are additional resources you might be interested in:
Explaining Divorce to Your Kids
How to Manage the Effects of Divorce on Children and the Family?
What Effects can Divorce have on Teenagers?
More information on dealing with Children and Divorce click here