Children and Divorce

Children and divorce don't mix very well. Children have this uncanny ability to blame themselves for the bad things that happen at home. They may not always verbalize this, but most of the time it's there in their subconscious.

How do you make the reality of divorce easier on your children? Here are a few things you could try:

1. Be careful of your body language, especially when it comes to your children interacting with your ex spouse - Divorce procedures can be hard enough for children without parents complicating things further. Some couples feel so much animosity towards each other that they don't really bother to hide it from their children. One of the things your child will need to get used to is the visitation schedule with your ex spouse. It would be better if your body language does not communicate ill feelings to your child. This means that you should refrain from looking sad, annoyed, or throwing dirty looks when a child leaves or comes home after a visit. Don't divide your child's loyalty or heap any guilty feelings on him/her (whether it's intentional or not) whenever he/she interacts with your ex.

2. Agree with your ex that you will respect each other's values and the rules each want to impose on your child - A lot of conflicts come from parents not agreeing on the ground rules when it comes to raising their children. This conflict will inevitably be noticable to your child because children tend to be very sensitive when their parents don't get along. It's also pretty confusing for children to get conflicting information from you and your ex about things that concern them. If you had to work on it while married, you have to work harder on agreeing on such things after a divorce.

3. Do not fight in front of the children - Children have a harder time adjusting to their parents' divorce when ex-couples fight in front of them. Try to understand that it's terrifying for children to see the one relationship they're counting on to last fall to pieces. Seeing that you can get through with it as amicably as possible may help your child adjust better to the divorce in the long run.