Divorce rates have risen dramatically in the United States, but the social problems extend beyond mere statistics. Divorce is the literal breaking apart of a couple and a family, and it always has a profound effect on the family. It is impossible to go through a divorce and not be affected by the process and the aftermath. Divorce affects every aspect of family life, from finances to emotional stability.
The first cause of divorce is the financial cost of the divorce itself -- the legal process of ending a marriage, dividing up the assets, and determining the child custody and visitation arrangement. Lawyers and filing fees may be expensive, and the numerous court dates and legal appointments can cause the spouses to miss work at a time when they most need income. Dividing up assets is stressful, requiring negotiation and cooperation at a time when the marital relationship is less than amicable. Splitting the care and costs of children is another huge task. It is inevitable that both parties will feel they have been wronged in these long and painful processes.
Another casualty of divorce is the family's sense of stability. The divorcing couple is losing not just a marriage, but a person they had thought was their life partner. They now know that love does not always last. This can lead to a general sense of insecurity. They may also suffer in losing companionship and a sexual partner. Children also are affected by the loss of stability in their family. Most children assume that their parents will always be together and present in the home -- until they aren't. Divorce introduces the unpleasant and frightening possibility that even family relationships are not permanent.
Self blame is another extremely common side effect of divorce. In most divorces, both partners bear at least some of the responsibility for the break up of the marriage. However they may try to deny their own piece of the blame, everyone knows that a divorce takes more than one person. Unfortunately, this sense of guilt is not limited to the spouses. Parents, in-laws, and children all may feel that they were partially responsible for the marriage's demise. It is important for the divorcing couple to reassure their loved ones, especially their children, that they were not responsible for the relationship's demise.
The anger and hostility between soon-to-be ex-husbands and wives is another negative effect of divorce. This unhappiness affects not just the couple, but everyone around them. Family friends often feel that they must choose sides and stop associating with one of the partners. Family members, who may have had a strong relationship with the non-related partner, are expected to no longer feel affection for them or want to see them. Even children may feel that they are expected to choose between their parents. Divorce involves breaking up not just a couple, but an entire family, and this is painful for everyone involved. The couple may find that they are losing not just their spouse, but half of their extended family and many of their friends as well.
TIP: Is your marriage on the verge of divorce because of heated arguments and screaming matches that never end? If so, then you should read the Stop Your Divorce Today e-book and learn how to preserve your marriage and enjoy a long-lasting marriage!
Another destructive effect of divorce is on the family finances. The amount of income that once sustained one family now must stretch to cover two separate households. Sometimes one parent is forced to return to the job market, or must increase their hours from part time to full time. Even with both spouses working, divorce is likely to take a huge financial toll, as the legal and moving expenses add up and money is needed to replace essential items lost in the dividing of marital property
However hard divorce is on everyone, no one in the family is affected as much as the children. Children may find not just their sense of stability and the relationship between their mother and father are affected, but that their day-to-day life will have totally changed. Both parents will likely be stressed out by the divorce and no longer showing the child the same affection and tolerance they once displayed. The child may have to move from their family home, which is an enormous loss in itself. The move may force them to leave behind friends and switch schools. The stay-at-home parent is often forced back into a career by the demands of supporting their own household, which will substantially reduce the child's level of care and quality time. Visits with the non-custodial parent can be stressful and may not occur as often as everyone would like. Holidays, once a pleasant time to look forward to, may feel empty without both sides of the family present. Children are the people most affected by divorce, and no area of their lives is spared.
The last effect of divorce is in the attempt to rebuild a functioning family unit. Neither partner will want to be alone for long, so dating is inevitable. This may open up a Pandora's box of unwelcome emotions. The divorcee may wonder if this relationship will also eventually sour, and may become cynical toward love and romance. If the new relationship is successful, partners will have to negotiate the choppy waters of remarriage and stepparenting. Children are likely to be hostile to the idea of a parent dating and marrying a new person. This can lead to anger, arguing, and depression.
This may sound dismal, but remember that the effects of divorce can be short lived if they are properly dealt with from the beginning. Children in particular may seem overwhelmed at first, but they are very resilient and can recover with a little sensitivity and outside help. Although the effects of divorce on a marriage sound overwhelmingly negative, it's important to remember that the quality of the marriage before the divorce was probably very low. Few marriages that end in divorce were happy until the end. While divorce can bring many unhappy emotions and side effects, it can also be a welcome relief from arguing, unhappiness, and a loveless marriage.
Here are additional resources you might be interested in:
Are you trying to win your children? Read this on how to Win Child Custody.
Subscribe
