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Some of the difficult things to deal with during divorce are the "firsts", especially the first holidays. You can be as supportive and loving to your children as possible and it will still be a rough time for them. Here are a few divorce suggestions on how to survive holidays:
- Be civil with your ex - Many people who employed dirty divorce tactics find this tip very difficult to follow. After all, when you've done everything you can to "win" the divorce, even at the expense of your ex and your children, it's hard to go back and call a truce and expect everything to be alright with them. As much as possible, it's better to not turn to dirty divorce tricks so that it will be easier for you to be civil with your ex. Your children will have an easier time adjusting to the holidays if they can see you and your ex exchange a few pleasantries or spend time together without getting on each other's nerves. Getting along with your ex may just be the best gift you can give your children during the holiday season.
- Listen - Assure your children that they can express their feelings to you without feeling guilty about it. Give them a safe enviroment to be honest and open about how they feel. Spend time with your children and listen to what they have to say. Making yourself available to listen and validate their feelings while offering comfort and support can do a lot of good in relieving the sadness your child feels about spending the holidays after divorce.
- Get the children involved - While parents will do most of the major decision making in the family, it wouldn't hurt to involve your children (especially the older children) in deciding how holidays will be spent. Children who have divorced parents feel that they are passed back and forth between parents, without any control or say about how things will go for them. Involving children in holiday decision making makes them feel less stressed about the holiday. You can allow them to bring some friends over during a few family activities, or to decide whether they want to spend time with a non-custodial parent or do something else. If you are the non-custodial parent, you can take advantage of visitation rights but you can also give your child the freedom to decide what you'll do with the time you spend together.
- Create new traditions - Most families have their own holiday traditions. During divorce, most of these traditions aren't applicable anymore. It would help if you created new family holiday traditions with your children. You can explain to them that nothing will ever replace the happy memories you had as a family before, but you can always look forward to new traditions that you can do together.
Divorces are hard for children to deal with. It's important that you show compassion and patience for them during holiday seasons. It takes longer for them to get used to the idea than adults do.
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