Children and Divorce
|
Hassle-Free Child Visitations After Divorce |
 |
|
Each year presents a holiday season and another chance to try a more successful approach in child visitation. No parent wants to make children suffer through holiday seasons in the process of visitation. Here are a few suggestions on how you can help make visitation schedules go as smooth as possible during the holiday season.
- Go back to your agreed upon parenting and visitation plan - Whether you've been divorced for a while or you're newly divorced, it's better to go back to your agreed upon parenting and visitation plan and work from it. One suggestion that works would be for your children to spend the holidays with parents in alternating years. If you're in the process of getting a divorce and are anticipating problems with things like this in child custody, then all the more reason to focus on making a visitation and parenting plan that's flexible but agreeable to both you and your spouse.
- Be as organized as possible about important dates - No matter how well you plan your year, the fact is that there will be important dates in your children's lives that will not be easy to plan such as their graduation, recitals, school christmas productions and the likes. It's best if you log that down in a calendar as soon as you get an exact date on it. If that's not readily available yet, try to make the weeks around the probable date as flexible as possible. Make sure also that you involve your ex with any updates about the schedule or changes to the schedule of your child. In other words, give your ex the chance to get involved.
- Teach your kids to prioritize - It's a good idea to get your children involved with structuring a schedule. Sometimes your children will need to sacrifice a few social events in favor of family gatherings. It's important that your child understands how to prioritize events. Encourage them to be open with you about why they think one event should take priority over another. Because of the fact that their parents will be divorced, they'll encounter a lot of these kinds of situations in the future.
- Teach your kids to speak up - Children who have divorced parents will need to learn how to communicate their preferences, needs and wants to their parents. This is especially true when children deal with arranging schedules with non-custodial parents. Being open and honest about their preferences will help parents be more flexible and prepared for the holiday visitations. For custodial parents, it may be very tempting to do the talking themselves, but learning how to communicate their preferences properly is a life skill you shouldn't deprive your children of.
- Agree to be understanding and flexible - It's helpful if the parents will agree to be as understanding and flexible as possible whenever their children would prefer to spend their holiday visitation time in a different way. Depending on the relationship between the parents and their extended families, some people find it awkward to have everybody at the same time in the same gathering. It might work better if each family gathering scheduled their get together a week before or after the date of the holiday itself. It would be great if both parents agreed to hear out their children if they prefer to spend holiday visitation time differently. If the children want to attend a school gathering or got invited over a friend's house on the date of the visitation, try to think of a way to make up for the date rather than just objecting to it.
- Don't take it personally - The temptation is great between divorced couples to compare the quantity and quality of time their children spend with them. However, this kind of mindset is not helpful on parents' relationship with their children. It would be more helpful to listen to the request closely rather than interpret it as a rejection from them.
Holiday seasons are opportunities for family members to work around their differences and enjoy the seasons together. It's worth the effort to try and make the holiday seasons as pleasant or at least hassle-free to your children as possible. |
|
|
Children and Divorce: Surviving the Holiday Season |
|
|
Some of the difficult things to deal with during divorce are the "firsts", especially the first holidays. You can be as supportive and loving to your children as possible and it will still be a rough time for them. Here are a few divorce suggestions on how to survive holidays:
- Be civil with your ex - Many people who employed dirty divorce tactics find this tip very difficult to follow. After all, when you've done everything you can to "win" the divorce, even at the expense of your ex and your children, it's hard to go back and call a truce and expect everything to be alright with them. As much as possible, it's better to not turn to dirty divorce tricks so that it will be easier for you to be civil with your ex. Your children will have an easier time adjusting to the holidays if they can see you and your ex exchange a few pleasantries or spend time together without getting on each other's nerves. Getting along with your ex may just be the best gift you can give your children during the holiday season.
- Listen - Assure your children that they can express their feelings to you without feeling guilty about it. Give them a safe enviroment to be honest and open about how they feel. Spend time with your children and listen to what they have to say. Making yourself available to listen and validate their feelings while offering comfort and support can do a lot of good in relieving the sadness your child feels about spending the holidays after divorce.
- Get the children involved - While parents will do most of the major decision making in the family, it wouldn't hurt to involve your children (especially the older children) in deciding how holidays will be spent. Children who have divorced parents feel that they are passed back and forth between parents, without any control or say about how things will go for them. Involving children in holiday decision making makes them feel less stressed about the holiday. You can allow them to bring some friends over during a few family activities, or to decide whether they want to spend time with a non-custodial parent or do something else. If you are the non-custodial parent, you can take advantage of visitation rights but you can also give your child the freedom to decide what you'll do with the time you spend together.
- Create new traditions - Most families have their own holiday traditions. During divorce, most of these traditions aren't applicable anymore. It would help if you created new family holiday traditions with your children. You can explain to them that nothing will ever replace the happy memories you had as a family before, but you can always look forward to new traditions that you can do together.
Divorces are hard for children to deal with. It's important that you show compassion and patience for them during holiday seasons. It takes longer for them to get used to the idea than adults do. |
|
How to Prepare Against Dirty Tactics During Child Custody Proceedings |
|
|
 Child custody battles can be as dirty as divorce battles. Often, one or both parents want to assert that the other cannot be an effective enough parent for their children. When one or both parents decide to take this route to child custody, the proceedings become decidedly ugly. It can also drag on longer than expected and become more expensive as time goes by.
Here are a few tips that can help you respond to dirty child custody tactics:
1. Conduct an honest self-evaluation - Being in denial about what your soon-to-be ex will probably attack you on will not help your chances at all. It's better to know what things need to be worked on, what things aren't true, and which ones are true. It's best to talk to your family lawyer about this so that you can plan a course of action. Being less than honest to your lawyer about some details pertaining your personal live which can be relevant to the child custody proceedings can endanger your chances of being given custody of your children.
2. Keep a journal - Once you know for certain that you want a divorce, or once your spouse has expressed the intention to get a divorce, immediately start a journal or a detailed calendar. Jot down where you are everyday, who you're meeting with and what for. It's easy to forget these things if you don't write them down, and they may come handy when your ex starts flinging mud at you and you need to account for where you are at a specific date.
3. Keep your contact with your ex as civil as possible - The last thing you want to do is give your ex more ammo to use against you during the divorce and child custody hearings. Keep your temper in check and don't do anything out of anger. If your relationship with your spouse has deteriorated to the point where you can't stay in the same room without fighting, make an effort to avoid being with him/her alone. Many people who use dirty divorce tactics resort to false accusations which are hard to disprove and may damage your credibility.
4. Fight back with facts - Keep all documents pertinent with the divorce organized and kept in a safe place. Receipts, letters, notices, statements and the likes should be photocopied and kept secure. If your spouse accuses you of child abuse, think of how you can use facts to prove that you're not doing that. Think ahead in terms of producing proof to prove your innocence, in case of dirty tactics. Keep your child's medical records correct and complete.
A high-conflict ex is setting him/herself up for failure because eventually, extremely angry people will do something that will show their true intent; to hurt you more than think about what is beneficial for the children. A high-conflict parent may not be the best parent to raise your child at the moment. Leverage this with verifiable facts and you can avoid dirty child custody and divorce tactics as well as increase your chances of gaining custody of the children.
|
|
|
Practical Parenting Tips for Women During and After Divorce |
|
"Making the extra effort to understand your children's needs will help them become well-adjusted adults, despite the changes and difficulties they may encounter during the divorce."
Women who become primary custodians of their children are often unsure of how to proceed after the divorce. Too many things have changed and there's too much pain to deal with. How can a newly single mother deal with parenting in such a way that will help their children cope with the reality of divorce in the best way possible.
Here are a few parenting and divorce tips women who are newly single will find useful:
Maintain consistency as much as you can.
The change in the family structure is a big enough change for your children. The last thing they want in their life is to have other aspects of their life moved around and changed too. To maintain consistency in the life of your children, you can forgo moving to a different house and just live in the marital home. There is a big chance that the house will be awarded to the custodial parent, anyway. If you really prefer to move, it may be best to move in a district where your kids will still be able to go to the same school and be surrounded by the same circle of friends.
It would also be better if you maintained the same routines for the children. If they were part of a school club or a sports team, encourage them to maintain these activities in order to provide them with consistency and a semblance of normalcy after the divorce.
Probably the most important thing that needs to be consistent is your relationship with your child. A lot of parents don't realize the significance their word makes to their children. Making promises and casually breaking them will not help your child reestablish a normal routine and adapt to the changes brought about by the divorce. This is why you should never take the promises that you make to children casually.
Be there for your child as often as you can.
Your emotional support to your child will be important at this stage. Recognize the fact that your child is going through emotional changes, just like you. Spend more time with your child, do more activities together, share home cooked meals more often. If you see that your child is having difficulties verbalizing his/her feelings, try enlisting the help of a therapist or the school counselor.
Whenever
possible, maintain connections with your ex.
This is one reason why you should refrain from employing dirty divorce tactics. Such destructive tactics will come at the expense of your children in the long run. If you and your ex have too much painful memories of the divorce, it makes cooperative parenting that much harder. Whenever possible, make sure that your ex and his family is still involved in the life of your children. Do not alienate the other parent from your children's life by badmouthing him or his family and blocking all phonecalls and attempts at communicating with your child. If your child sees the hostility between you and your ex, it sends the message that people may not recover fully from a divorce. If you are able to maintain a civil and maybe even a friendly relationship with your ex, your child will have a more positive outlook of the situation.
Encourage your child to form social bonds with others.
Many children who are having trouble coping with their parents' divorce tend to withdraw and avoid social contact. Encourage your child to spend time with friends. If you have a very young child, scheduling playdates will be helpful.
Making the extra effort to understand your children's needs will help them become well-adjusted adults, despite the changes and difficulties they may encounter during the divorce. |
|
Divorce Advice for Women on Cooperative Parenting |
|
"Many good divorce advice for women center around good communication with their children and their ex spouses."
Most parents who go through a divorce often have a hard time adjusting to the idea of cooperative parenting. Especially if the divorce was contentious and one or both parties made the mistake of using dirty tactics on the other during the divorce proceedings, repairing relationships enough for both parents to function well for the sake of their children is an enormous challenge.
To make cooperative parenting work for you, here are a few suggestions:
1. Create a list of the non-negotiable things that you absolutely want to teach your child - If you and your ex husband managed to preserve a civil relationship throughout the divorce, asking him to do the same should not be a problem. Make a list of all the traits that you feel you want to be able to develop in your child. Chances are you'll have many similar items on the list. The significance of this exercise is that both of you will begin recognizing the fact that you're working towards the same goals.
2. Make household rules clear - Many good divorce advice for women center around good communication with their children and their ex spouses. One of the things that parents often fight about is household rules. Being on the same page as your ex shows that you have a unified front. Encourage your ex to also make it clear to you what rules he expects your children to obey as well. Being consistent about household rules helps the child adapt to the new situation better.
3. Talk things out when there's a conflict - Parents (whether divorced or not) will not always see eye to eye on how they want to raise children. Different ideas will inevitably surface and you'll need to learn to be mature enough to talk about them. Instead of fighting in front of the children, sit down in a private environment and talk things out. Should you face a situation where your ex husband is unable to control his temper, calmly say that the conversation can be continued at a different time and place rather than take him head on in front of your kids.
4. Support your ex's rules whenever reasonable - Teaching a child about consequences is an essential part of good parenting. Should your child break one of your ex's house rules, support him by exercising the corresponding or agreed punishment. Letting your children off the hook when they break household rules set by their father will cause confusion and may be interpreted as you dividing the loyalty of your children.
Parenting is never easy, but cooperative parenting may be a bit more complicated. It takes a lot of hard work to be able to work with an ex husband for the good of the children that you share. |
|
|
|
|
<< Start < Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next > End >>
|
|
Page 1 of 10 |
|
Who's Online?
We have 117 guests online
|
Subscribe
