When you are sensing that your marriage is on the brink of disaster what are you supposed to do.  Should you just give up and reside yourself to a life being single, or should you fight for your relationship?  The answer depends heavily on what you want, but depending upon your wishes can help determine your next step. 

Many people are under the mistaken impression that counseling and divorce mediation are the same thing. 

However, they are very different, and it is important to understand those differences before you proceed with any decisions.  Divorce mediation is the process of trying to come to an agreement in the terms of your divorce.  For example, in mediation you would discuss who gets what property, who pays what debts, how much alimony if any is paid and to whom, if children are involved then it is also a good idea to discuss matters child related.

When you are discussing issues of children you can even decide in mediation who has custody, what parenting rules are mutually agreed upon, who handles transportation, extra-curricular activities and even begin working on an agreement for child support if any.  The purpose of mediation is to negotiate on terms and conditions of the divorce that you do not agree upon.  You participate in a mediation with the use of a mediator who helps resolve disputes to ensure that there are no arguments and that everyone participating is able to speak freely.

This is in stark contrast to marriage counseling.  The purpose of marriage counseling is to repair a relationship before giving up.  If you suspect your relationship is in trouble and you want to save it and find a marriage counselor then you work with the counselor to try to repair some of the issues in your relationship.  It does take both spouses to have a successful run at marriage counseling however and is not always cheap at all.  Going to counseling is something that includes many steps. 

First, in order to be successful at counseling you must be willing to admit that there is a problem in your marriage.  In addition, you must be willing to work towards resolving those problems.  If you are determined, that your marriage is fine and nothing is wrong then marriage counseling is not a good option for you.  However, many couples who are open-minded have great success with marriage counseling.  In addition, people who agree to counseling also tend to be more open towards working towards a resolution with their spouse.

So deciding if mediation or counseling is the best option for you is a very good idea.  People who are able to work together are more likely to experience good results from either mediation or counseling.  If you are open to negotiations, whether in ending your relationship or trying to repair your relationship then counseling or mediation is a great option.  It is also important to realize that while you have the ability to participate in mediation or counseling you are not obligated to accept any outcome. 

This means that if you come to an agreement in mediation you are not bound by that agreement until you have signed it and submitted it to the courts.  If you decide to go to counseling to try to repair your relationship at first, you can always change your mind later on and stop going.  However, usually if you stop going your relationship will fail.  While everyone has the choice of whether to attend mediation or counseling or not, those who do attend the services generally have a happier, healthier marriage, or a much more amicable divorce.

Finding a good and qualified counselor or mediator is not hard to do at all.  For a mediator you can contact your local divorce court for referrals of good mediators.  For a good marriage counselor you can call around and ask for a short interview session with the counselor before committing to them.  It may take 2-3 different counselors before you find someone whom you and your spouse both feel comfortable with.  There is nothing wrong with taking time to find a good counselor or mediator before beginning any mediation or counseling.