Divorce is almost invariably a stressful time for all involved, regardless of how clean the break up is. Even if the personal differences between spouses are so minor that they are able to come to a quick and equitable agreement over terms, most divorces are still accompanied by some of the most significant financial exchanges either of the pair is likely to experience in a lifetime. And even if this too is not complicated in a given divorce, there are still a number of other very important legal and personal issues that any couple has to work through. Perhaps the most important of these is that of managing how children and family of the couple react to a pending or recent divorce. If there are children involved, any good parent is right to ask themselves what the effects of divorce on children are, and how best to proceed with the separation while providing for their children's best interests.

In doing so, a parent might ask if there is known to be any negative trend for the children of divorced couples. The answer to this question is not simple, and as with any emotionally charged issue, there is always a surplus of information presented by groups and individuals with one agenda or another, and of course, this "information" does not always say the same thing. Parents need the ability to sort the bogus, biased, and mis-interpreted information from that which is honestly and accurately presented. For example, forget anything you've learned about the effects of divorce on children from nightly news shows, current affairs programs, politicians, Oprah, and Dr. Phil: Political correctness never had to raise a happy family. Instead, we look to what the statisticians, sociologists, and psychologists have to say. (For more information on divorce rates and statistics click here).

Having said that, the short answer to the previous question is yes, generally speaking, children of divorced couples tend to have more problems than those in two-parent families. What surprises many people, however, is that some of the more reliable studies have indicated that the difference here is only slight. Whereas about one in ten children of two-parent families requires professional intervention to help with behavioral and emotional problems down the line, this jumps to about one in five children of divorced families - only a 10% jump. The most crucial things to remember here are that this does not indicate that divorce is the cause of this jump - rather, it merely coincides with divorce - and second, it is not the case with all divorces - it describes the general tendency only. In fact, one recent study has suggested that almost half of young adults who grew up from divorced parents are doing better than those whose parents remained together when they were children.  Most parents don't want to leave something so crucial as the rest of their child's life to chance, especially after having been told that the odds (if only slightly) are against them. Fortunately, these studies have identified a number of key causes of  increased problems with behavior and development of children in divorced families, which we will discuss now.

It is not inconceivable to consider that many of the problems that have caused either parent to want to dissolve a marriage in the first place might also be the cause of behavioral problems with the couple's children. This would explain why so many children of divorced couples actually do rather well: Sometimes divorce really is the best thing for all parties concerned. That said, the following common causes of emotional problems in the minority of children seriously affected by a divorce should be considered and if possible, avoided:

• Among the most serious causes of ill effects of divorce on children is the total loss of either parent. If your child ceases to have any contact whatsoever with one of his or her parents, it is likely that he or she will lose much that this parent has to offer.
• The quality of parenting that your children do receive is of paramount importance during and after divorce, as with any other time. However, the distractions caused by the serious changes occurring in divorcing parents' lives often leads to both parents dedicating less time to their children after a divorce.
• There are a huge host of reasons that children, whether young or in adolescence, have to become insecure during, or as a result of their parents' divorce. With parents preoccupied with the divorce, they tend to spend less time with their children, which can ignite fears of being abandoned by their parents, or in all their close relationships. While some anxiety is normal - after all, such a drastic change in what is normal for their life is a good reason to be anxious - if circumstance or the actions (or inaction) of either parent is causing such a problem and it is allowed to go on, your child becomes at risk of developing confidence and self-esteem issues, and in the most serious extremes, anxiety disorders later in life. It is worth noting that while poor parenting during and after a divorce can have this effect, so can poor parenting during a marriage.
• Stresses placed on the child from fighting between parents can be one of the biggest contributing factors to ill effects of divorce on children. Expecting or trying to get a child to pick a side in any bitter divorce is irresponsible. Ultimately, your children need to make their own minds up about their parents, and it is usually better that their parents trust them to do so. Involving the child in the decision making process of the custody and visitation arrangements is highly recommended. If parents cannot decide between themselves on any terms of the divorce, the court will decide for them, and the courts always give serious consideration to the wishes of the child when delivering a ruling.
• Divorce usually leaves both spouses financially worse off, although this would be hotly contested by a number of lobby groups. Regardless, relative to how they lived previously, both spouses have fewer assets after a divorce, and financial strain or irresponsibility during this time can disadvantage the child. Parents need to be financially responsible during this time to ensure they are providing for their children's best wellbeing.

There is a slight, but significant rise in the rate of negative effects on children in divorces, and it takes responsibility by each parent to ensure that their child is as well off as he or she can be. Just as during the marriage, it requires a concerted effort to provide quality parenting to their children during and after a divorce to provide a healthy environment. By making themselves available, tending to their children's sense of self-esteem and confidence, and by not enveloping their child in the conflict that has caused the divorce, parents avoid the most common mistakes made in the minority of divorces that do directly cause behavioral and emotional problems in children.