One of the hardest parts of a divorce when children are involved is trying to explain the entire process to them.  While explaining as much as possible is generally a good idea, in terms of divorce it can actually be a very bad idea.  The purpose of being a parent is to teach and guide your children in life.  Another primary purpose of being a parent is to protect your child as well.  This means that sometimes less information is better, especially in the case of divorce.

For example, you should never explain to your children especially young children that you are divorcing because your spouse cheated on you or was abusive.  This can lead to problems between the parent and child, as well as could even cause problems in your own relationship with the child.  While it may seem dishonest to not tell your child all of the details, it is not.  You are simply avoiding telling the children all of the details.  There is no reason for your child to know all of the details.

Especially important to avoid discussing with your child is the details of the child support order.  Children do not need to feel as if they are being purchased by the payment of child support, they should also not be aware of missed payments because they could begin to feel resentment towards the other parent.  In talking to your children about divorce, often less information is usually better.  Even in families where there is generally very open discussion about issues, keeping some information from the children is usually better.  

Children are young and should be protected from fights.  You should also avoid fighting with your spouse in front of your children, since the terms of the divorce are none of their business this keeps your child from seeing the fights, as well as knowing what is going on.  To help your child as much as possible you should carefully explain to your child that while you love them very much, that things between you and the other parent have not worked out and you will be living separately.

Reassure your child that you really do love them, and so does the other parent but that you and the other parent have some grown up problems.  Reassure them that they should not choose between parents, and that both parents will still be there for them.  This will help your child to try to still be comfortable with both parents.  Another important issue is to assure your child that you both love them and will ensure that they are taken care of.  Make sure they realize that they will still be able to see both parents as well.

Ensure that while the divorce is beginning that you give your child plenty of time to adjust to the lifestyle changes that take place.  Children often feel victimized in the process of divorce because they feel as if they must choose between parents in order to select who they love.  You should avoid making your child feel this way if at all possible.  Encourage your child to spend time with both parents, even if it means a bit more transportation than usual to start with so they can start to adjust to the new situation.  

As time progresses and your child becomes an adult, you can feel free to talk to about more of the details as you feel your child is old enough to understand.  As your child is an adult though they still do not need to know all of the details of your divorce unless you and your former spouse feel comfortable with the idea.  Many couples keep the details of their divorce from their children because they do not want to upset the children any more than necessary.  This is nothing unusual, and is not bad, but just a matter of choice that some parents choose for their children.  

Deciding exactly what to tell your child about your divorce is never easy.  However, it is always a wise idea to talk to your spouse in the beginning to decide how much information you want to give your child in the beginning so that everyone is on the same level about what information is appropriate and what is not.  Working together to a successful parenting relationship should start from the very beginning.