Are you looking to solve the issues of custody yourself in your divorce?  If so, you are one of the parents who are part of the growing majority who have decided that simply allowing a judge to determine how they raise their children is unacceptable.  It is commendable that you are considering this option for your divorce and child.  There are several important considerations that should be considered if you are considering this approach that will help make it much more likely to be successful.

First consideration should be is where will everyone be living?  If your spouse is planning on moving to a 1-bedroom apartment then this could complicate matters if you are considering offering joint custody.  If your spouse has plans on getting a place large enough for everyone, then offering joint custody might be an appropriate choice.  

Your next consideration should be the age of the children; typically, very young children do not do well without seeing both parents often.  This would result in needing to see each parent for at least a short period every couple of days.  For example, a proposed schedule could have the children switching houses every 2-3 days, or even spending a week at each house, but one night a week in the middle eating dinner at the other parent’s house.  This would still allow frequent contact, while maintaining a normal schedule.  

Location to schools compared to residences should be considered as well.  Typically most parents do not enjoy spending an hour driving children to school each day.  You should not use this as an excuse to move far away in an attempt to separate the other parent from the children though either.  However, if one parent lives much closer to the school, then a good possible solution would be for that parent to have custody during the week with the other parent taking weekends.

Make sure you have a proposed schedule for extra-curricular activities.  This includes soccer, church, karate or anything else your child participates in.  If you are trying to work out a custody arrangement outside of the courts, you want to ensure that even the smallest details are worked out, such as the extra-curricular activities and even who will pay for the activities.  This will save headaches later on for everyone.  

However, what happens if you really want to work out an agreement, but your spouse is not cooperative?  You can always consider mediation, this would allow both sides to attempt to work out a suitable arrangement that everyone is happy with, and allow someone to be present who will help settle disputes should they arise during the process.  A mediator does not make any final decisions about the custody arrangement, but rather helps parents work towards a solution themselves.  

Typically, mediation is much cheaper than a court hearing, and the motions that are associated with custody.  Parents also typically are much happier with the arrangement for custody if they are able to work it out themselves.  Parents tend to be very resentful of a custody arrangement that is imposed upon them.  This gives a major incentive for many parents to work out a mutually agreeable custody arrangement.  By mutually agreeing to the custody arrangement, it places the responsibility of parenting the children back onto the parents.  

While some parents are able to easily come to an agreement, others may take several days, weeks or even months to come to a full agreement.  If it takes a while to come to an agreement, it can still be much cheaper than trying to have the judge determine which parent has the child and at what times.  A mutually agreeable custody arrangement is always the best option because it allows the parents to create the best arrangement for their lifestyles and children, as well as save a lot of time and money that is involved in lengthy court battles.  

While not every dispute over custody can be resolved by the parents themselves, it is usually possible for most parents to come to a decision that is best for them.  If you are determined that your ex is unwilling to compromise at all, you should still attempt at a single mediation session to see how it goes.  If the outcome is positive you can continue the negotiations, otherwise you will be in a better position to make the decision to take your custody decisions to the judge who is hearing your case.