There are constantly reports on the news about spouses being battered and abused by their spouse and even former spouse.  While abusing a spouse is dangerous, the issue is even more dangerous if there are children involved.  What can be done to protect everyone including the children?

First, you must avoid any contact with your spouse without another person present. 

This means all contact; there is no case of run out quickly to meet them.  That could be a lethal mistake and is not worth their life.  Instead, you must make sure that someone else is with you.  If you are going to be meeting your spouse, you should also attempt to meet in a very public place. 

If you have the ability select the busiest area, you can possibly find.  For example a Wal-Mart, the mall, or even the police station.  If you are in a very public place, your spouse is less likely to create problems or attempt to attack you.  Also, consider if your spouse is so dangerous that you fear for your life, you should also consider filing a restraining order.  This would provide you with a legal document that states your spouse is not allowed to come within a certain range of you. 

While you may not desire to keep your children from your spouse, if they are highly dangerous you should restrict contact.  File an emergency petition with the courts to ask for supervised visitation with someone the court selects.  While you may want to supervise the visitation that will not work well with a restraining order.  Instead, ask for a social worker or other type of professional to supervise the contact between your spouse and children.  This helps ensure the children are safe, but they are still able to have contact with their other parent.

If you are ordered to mediation as a condition for your divorce, ensure that the mediator is aware of the abuse before attending.  They will then work with you to contact an abuse advocate who will attend the mediation with you.  The purpose of the abuse advocate is to ensure that you are not abused during the meeting.  They are also there to provide you with basic mental and emotional support.  Often the victim becomes fearful of their abuser simply from a look, if this occurs the abuse advocate can step in and provide help. 

If you suspect that there is a danger to the children, you can always request to the judge hearing your case that contact between your spouse and the children remain supervised.  However, in order to accomplish this you must have a valid fear and proof of that fear.  False allegations will not get you far but will cost hundreds if not thousands of dollars to resolve. 

You should also insist upon all communication between your spouse and yourself being limited to only written.  This method of communication helps ensure that you and your spouse are not able to talk directly to each other, which can cause problems.  You should also insist upon only meeting your spouse in a public location for all visitation exchanges.  Never agree to meet your spouse in private. 

Additionally you should never allow your spouse into your home unsupervised by someone else. 

No matter if, they are dropping children up, or picking them up.  They should not come into your home.  Insist that they remain outside in the public view.  If they insist upon coming inside, call the police immediately and ask the police to make them leave. 

You have the right to live without fear and you must use the courts to help protect yourself as well as your children.  Never allow your spouse to harm you or your children, additionally, do your best to ensure that your children are not made aware of all of the details.  While they should not be allowed complete access to an abusive parent, they also do not need to know all of the details either.  This can cause them to feel as if they are to blame for the abuse, which is never the case.  If you have severe problems, there are abuse hotlines and shelters that you can contact for help.